The day when i felt like i'm gone....oO.

This is not that i was in traumatic situation and waiting in the queue for my chance at the doorstep of hell...
Perhaps in few occassion, i find myself occupied in "i'm gone" like situation but not to this extent...

A moment which brings smile...
A moment which catches my lost breath...
A moment which make me dead sometime...

This is something, when you will have a sweet pain in your heart and you keep on saying keep it up to yourself with a confused smile...

This is a moment where i get stucked in and can't get out...even i don't wish to come out as it gives me a gleam of "the day when i felt like i'm gone"

2nd June 2007, Shopper's stop : i had come early 2 finish the schduled PICS (Technical jargon)...so i was carrying my work with a brand staff, seductive but yet irritating...after finishing my PICS, i got engaged in my other stuffs...but as time was passing by, my beats were getting sound...a girl, who was going to be my everything, had come with one of her closed friend...both were standing pretty close to me...i knew i did some thing wrong...her friend had come with a killer intention...
It was nothing rather a misunderstanding between us...as it was just the begining of our relationship and so she was badly hurted by me...
Her friend told me all about it and then ran away...we were alone there...and after that whatever have had happened between us...is deep within my head...
We had not spoken a single word to each other untill she left...
I could speak through her eyes...
I could hear her cracked innervoice which was going in her head...
I could peep through her eyes that how deep i reside within her...
I could see her blind trust in me...
I could feel how fast she was breathing...
I could feel how much she had been hurted by me...

I was so touched because i could see the fear of losing the lost thing(me) in her eyes...
I could see how special i'm for her...

This was the time when love was knocking at doorbay of my heart...albeit it had been knocking for quite some time but i was the one who din't hear it well...it might be the analog gaping between two same frequencies...just kiding...

I was almost paralised...
I couldn't speak...
I couldn't move...
My vocal pipe was badly threaten by and hence chocked...
My brain was throwing questions over questions while some of them returning unanswered...and who cares about unanswered when this is "the day when i felt like i'm gone"... 

As an individual, i literally hate the word love...because the word love has been victimised by love itself...because love is an expression of happiness and abundance rather than pain, noise or scream...
Whenever i feel low...i start recalling the pal which was poured deeply into my blood, flesh and soul...and everytime it reverts me with a smile because i was not the victim of love rather i was gifted...

We tried hard to become one but as every story doesn't have a happy ending...

But i'm happy because i was special for her...
So whenever i feel low or broken...i just go back and wish to get doused with "the day when i felt like i'm gone"...

Snow cover dream to bed of roses...oO.

..I came from blue..was in dark..
come and doused to mug..
bow the beach..
swing to music..
as i want you to be..
so don't go little so soon..

..You give yourself away..

memories have disappeared in the gleam..
see the stones in your eyes..

..Don't spring me to cry round the reasons that have died..
there were no way unless it wasn't yours..
do not speak to me about life, colors and sanicity..

..I hate recalling how you said all and what you are now..
it was so young but all dead now..

..Hold me and feel the fierce of dead skin..
so better stop me and ease the pain tonight..

..I've hours but only lonely..
my love was virgin and still blind..

..Wake up and dig inside you..
and still can't speak to me..
now, see how most of us died alone..

..You are dead now behind your blue eyes..

..oO.

A morning with gleam on faces....oO.

Albeit human faces are always subject of my engrossment...
Their manipulated emotions and uncalculated thoughts always push me to think....

It's 5:13 am in the morning...

After finishing sigmund's interpretation of dreams, i tried hard to take a wink of sleep with my all new pillow but only new pillow can't bring dreams...is it so...

So i thought its better to take a morning walk...after all i deserve to be fit...
As I'm walking down to cigiratte shop with a lost hope as it is still closed and will be opened after 6:00 am...i plugin my headphone and start waving with U2..."if god will send his angels..."
As i'm moving towards cigiratte shop...i could see few faces around me...all they are chasing for something in thier life....

Some of them are old ageing scrap of society...(it was hitler who said them scrap but i dint mean that)...i know they are feeling proud of me as i'm the only one in my age group who is trying to chase their feets while their sons and daughters are still flipping on their beds...may be i'm getting blessings in their mind...wow...even i remember a day when one of such scrap had stopped me and adviced me to avoid smoking in the morning...i was lisening to him because he was happy that i was the only one among my age group who seems to follow the nature like them...huh...misconception followed by good advice...though god bless him...

Leave it...

While some faces are like, as i can see, obliged to pull out of their beds...they are weaker section of our political damaged society....they wake up early in the morning and sheafed in a nearby fish market....they carry fishes in a pot on their junked bicycles...

Oh gosh!...i don't know two different faces, one is striving against good health when they know that they can't live anymore as they already running into their 60's...while other face is striving against food as if they wouldn't have come so early, they can't arrange food for the evening....but all they seem free, relaxed and chanting with thier peers...i don't know its a fake or manipulated emotions on their face or its a sculpture of god...but god bless them all...they are not scrap but have put into the scrap...

After half an hour...i reach to cigiratte shop...

Two faces are still blogging me deep beneath of my skin...one is scrap while other one has put into scrap...

So moving further to add more faces to my morning...i asked the shopkeeper, named dablu (W) , "why you do open your shop early morning"...but his face was going to be one among 2nd face of my morning till i heard this "bhaiya...nothing speacial but other used to open by this time so i need to open too"...

Great...Don't you think so two faces were enough to crawl me...
But he is the third face of my morning...this face doesn't bother about health or money...he bothers about "how he could damage the financial health of other's shop" i.e. it might be he bothers what other wish to bother...

Till now three different gleam on faces are enough to think about...their emotions, beheaviour, reactions are all different from each other...

It's now 6:38 am...good morning to all of you with a blob of blessings...what a great day it is going to be for every one...

Now i'm moving towards a small park with a hope to catch some more faces...
Wait...wait...i dint know great day would come so fast for me...
Two babes are coming by...i know one of them as she is joe's crush or lust...i don't know why they have come and can't even ask them albeit i belong to male dominant country...so i give a fuck to this dominancy where i can't ask such a simple question to most peevish creature (he he he)...its another issue that they can come at any time to ask anything and they are welcome with open arms...
I doubt whether i'm living in a male dominant society or female dominant...and who says women needs empowerment...
Leave it here...

And better to say to myself "...as i'm the only one to look at them...but i'm not in mood at all...so will catch you some other day"...now it sounds good...he he he...

Inbetween where i was....
Now i moved into the park...i thrown my eyeballs to catch any vacant seat if available in the park...as most of them have already been occupied by the 1st face of my morning, scrap of the society or senior citizens, but they deserve it first becausd they will make to heaven first...(god bless them)...
But atlast i managed to place my gentle ass somewhere on the woody seat...thanx...

Fourth face of my morning could be these kids who are playing gentlemen's game i.e. Cricket...i can feel the carefree feeling of them...but to make a honest attempt to make them fourth face of my morning...i have to check out if anybody of them is free...i found one of them who was giving guard to the boundary like army does in LOC...

Sorry guys i was busy in talkin to him...he is subro (hope i spell it right)...he is in 5th standard...i asked him "what made you to wake up so early in the morning...can't you play in evening?"...
before i could finish my question...he smiled at me but i blushed at him...then he replied "dada, i hardly get time in evening...i gota terrible schedule starts with school followed by tuition and homework...and ends with punishment by papa..."...i was not shocked as i was like him in my school days...but never get punished leaving few exceptions....

Oh jesus...four different gleams, four different faces and four different reactions...
1st face strives for life when they know they are about to rot in ground, 2nd face strives for living, 3rd face strives because his openent wishes to struggle while 4th face strives for their own time...

1st and 4th face of my morning have something in common...

1st is of old age while 4th one is of new age...

1st face is after life which they are about to loose while 4th face is after capitalizing their own time...

Inboth facets they are running out of time and most bother too...i don't know whether they are happy or peeping in their own life which they are loosing...interesting...

Let's move further...

As of now...its 7:35 am in the morning...
Subdued light from the glowing star called sun is getting brighter and starts simmering all over the corner...
Few taxies have returned to taxi stand to add tons of carbon to this lovely place...
Kids are on the way to school...may be they will come up with a solution to political damaged society because still there are few kids who just can't attend the schools as they are product of 2nd face of my morning...
I guess babes have also gone back...the reason would be i wasn't interested in their tempted look up...
The main road is getting crowded now...
1st and 2nd face of my morning enjoyin sips of tea with indian pizza(samosa)...

Wait...wait...take a break...
I went through different faces in this morning but where i was among them....how i can corelate with any of them...
Its enough now....i guess its enough for a day....
Feeling sleepy now...
Its 8:15 am...
Good night and sweet dreams...

What is love...oO.

GoOd question but not yet answerable specialy for boys...

Most probably this question has been poked in your mind manytimes by your girl...and everytime you just left with no words to express it for your love...

Even i'm not the exception...

And manytimes i have encountered with the same question...and everytime i boot and reboot myself to find expression within my words...but it never worked for me...

It was just an another day in Shoppers's Stop...after finishing my work in advance...i decided to spend some time with my girl...So i picked her up from her office and both went to juhu beach...

After an hour, i realized that this day is going to be like just another day...so just to push her, i asked her the same question i.e what is love??...and then the way she expressed herself, it made me to think about "is she a younger sister of venus(goddess of love)"...Can you feel what i was feeling at that particular moment...
I knew i did a big mistake asking this question as she gonna get back to me with the same question...they love killing their boys asking this blood squeezed question "what is love?"...
But i don't know what have had happened to me...so i would like to share with you guys what i have had answered her that made me so special to her and we ended up that day with one of the memorable pal of our time...

My answer to my love :

For me love is : witout disturbing you, i will wake up a little early in the morning...will rush to bathroom and will finish my newspaper session there to avoid any conflicts...
For me love is : i will open the door and while cleanin last nite shit inbetween my teethes, i will try to catch your image in the mirror because you look like an angel, yawning around, flipping left to right and right to left sometime, your eyes give me a reason to think and then a smile, charm on your face give me a reason not to let it blur...you are such a sweet heart...
For me love is : still...i won't disturb you and will move to the kitchen...will try to make breakfast for you...i know it won't be as good as you can make but i know you will love it...inbetween i often come to see you yawning...
For me love is : to let u wake up by giving you a gentle kiss on your forehead for filling my life with colors of yours...and a kiss on your honey lips for my love...and will bring the breakfast close to you...
For me love is : missing you through out the office hours..and keep on buzzing you...
For me love is : will busy in scheduling during lunch time about what we will do and where we will go after day's off...
For me love is : i will make everyday a brand new day as everyday can't be made special...but i can promise you that every weekend must be special....
For me love is : stairing at babes to make you jealous...but in the same breath i will never leave a chance to show how special you are for me (in the evening time)...
For me love is : saying you now its time to get back to home otherwise we will get late for the office in the morning"...
For me love is : ending the day with pleasant talk and with your hard knock...

Last few words...

"i don't know what is love and what is life, but my day starts with you and ends at you...oops!...again i did a mistake as i dint count the nights...."
"I know anyone can make you happy but i can bet not more than me because...i can listen your crap for long and long without saying any crap...i will love the way which you love even it irritates me sometime..."

uff....